#7 Get a New Do'

When I was writing my 30 Before 30 list, this was the challenge I was most worried about.  All of my life, I heard that I had beautiful hair, it is curly and dark blonde, and in the summer, I get very blonde highlights that frame my face.  It has always been my signature feature.  So, like any good brand, I kept it going, only changing it to reflect the greatest of changes in my life.  And by that I mean, do you want it medium length or long.

Well, that's all over with now.  I did it.  I grew a pair and Googled the crap out of blonde and black hairstyles.  I told a few people and was met with mixed reactions.  Some bought in immediately while others skeptically agreed that it was a good idea.  However, I think everyone almost everyone agrees that my hair looks much better now and I couldn't agree more!

Don't Even Think About It

Recently, I had a really painful ear infection.  I was put on an antibiotic and gloriously, the pain subsided later that day.  But like a bad b-horror movie, the next morning, there was blood streaming out of my ear. 

I called an ENT and made an emergency appointment, even though I had already Googled my symptoms and diagnosed my perforated eardrum myself. 

When I arrived, the nurse took down my symptoms and I asked her if she knew what it was, she replied, "I'm just the nurse."  And so I was like, "Well, does it sound like a perforated ear drum?"  She says, "In order for the doctor to determine that he will need to stick a tube up your nose."  Tires screeching, horns blaring, arm across the passenger, whiplash terror immediately grips me up.  "A tube... up my nose?"  "Yes," she says, "the worst part is really the numbing medicine.  It tastes really bad."

Internally I'm thinking, Listen lady, no one and I mean no one, is sticking a tube up my nose.  Period.  So don't even think about it."  But outwardly, I'm all like deer in a Ford Bronco headlights, "Uhm, really?  Do I have to?  Is it going to hurt?"  "No.  It won't hurt."  20 seconds of spraying action later, my nose is dripping with novocaine and she leaves me all alone to stew in the room while the doctor takes his sweet ass time coming in.  So, naturally I start texting Megan:

Me: Holy shitballs Batman!  They are going to stick a tube up my nose!!
Megan: What????
Megan: I would need to be sedated!!
Me: I know, I'm freaking out!!
Me: My palms are sweating so bad, I can barely type.
Megan: Do you want me to come over there?
Me: No, I will be fine.
Megan: Why do they need to do it?
Me: Apparently, that's how they see the ear drum. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that you don't need to go in from the back door.  The front door works just as well.
Megan: That's what I was just thinking.  Yikes!! I feel terrible.  Are they going to numb your nose up?
Me: Yeah they already did.
Megan: Wait are you lying about this?

No, I wasn't lying about it.  One flexible camera tube up my nose and an officially diagnosed perforated eardrum later and I got my walkin' papers.  "You'll be fine.  Come back in two weeks."

And, in case you're wondering, here's what happened in stick figure illustration:

No, Not Really

This is my happy baby, doing his favorite thing- eating!  He loves to eat anything that I put in front of him; look at how he fakes me out...

He's all, "Want to share?" 

And I'm all, "Sure, that's way nice of you."

And he's all, "Nevermind!  I'ma eat this, but thanks for playin'!"



Neon Rainbow Trees

Brace yourself, 'cause this is ah-may-zing!  Have I said before that I spend waste more time on Pinterest than practically anywhere else on earth?  (And I do realize that Pinterest is not an actual place, but I spend so much time there, it should be.)  Yes?  Well let me say it again, I waste lots and lots of time there, but sometimes it's totally worth it.

While perusing, I stumbled upon another out-of-the-park find from Pinterest: Rainbows Eucalyptus trees or as I like to call them Neon Rainbow Trees.  At first, I thought it had been photoshopped (I got taken a few months back by the infamous Pinterest photoshopped lemon fiasco.  Yeah, you know why those lemons look so great after you shoot food coloring into the skin?  Because they've been photoshopped, that's why.), but after I did some highly scientific research Wikipedia-ed "rainbow eucalyptus" and saw that they were real, I was impressed.

And there's more where that came from.

Look at all of that neon goodness.  I mean come on, these trees are a fanny pack away from 1987, making them the most fierce trees in all the land.

Now, I'm 100% sure that there's a-far-too-advanced-for-me reason that the neon streaks occur, but let's Billy Madison that right now, "Chlorophyll, more like borophyl!". 'Cause this is the kinda Mother-Nature-can-trump-whatever-you-got kinda thing.  I show up to our throwdown with with my grow herbs in a plastic pot on my back porch challenge, and she smiles politely, shrugs her shoulders and goes, "Uhm... Rainbow Eucalyptus trees.  Just sayin'."

1000+ Words

These 13 pictures are my favorite series of pictures.

It makes me want to cry when I think about the simplicity and beauty of this moment.

And the movement from picture number 4 to picture number 5 gets me every time.

Every. Single. Time.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

Old Blues Eyes is my Cousin?

Before Cullen was born, I assumed (erroneously) that everyone was born with blue eyes.  Cut to Cullen, who was born with the darkest eyes I have ever seen and my theory went bust.  All babies are in fact not born with blue eyes and they also don't generally lighten as they get older.  I know this, because for weeks on end, I studied Cullen's eyes for a hint of yellow or even a light brown to gradually rise up, but nope... not a single color variation has yet to appear.

When I got pregnant with Arden, I naturally assumed that my genes would be smashed again and he would come out looking just like Cullen.  Wrong.  Really wrong.  Really, really wrong.  Assuming got me nowhere (again) and he was born with blue eyes.  After we brought him home, I did some research (which really means that I stared blankly at all of the dominant and recessive eye color charts) on the statistical probability of having a parent with brown eyes (Jim) and a parent with blue eyes (me) having a child with blue eyes; I still don't know what the odds are because the charts are so damn confusing.

However, I did learn this interesting tidbit: everyone with blue eyes has one common ancestor; which means, everyone with blue eyes is related.  Ergo, I am related to Frank Sinatra, which explains a lot seeing as I have such natural talent and old-school-swanky-charisma. 


Check out these other famous people I'm realted to:
Paul Newman
Marlon Brando
Camron Diaz
Jennifer Anniston
Taylor Swift

Inspiration

It kinda takes a lot to win me over, just ask my husband.  But, when I see something I like, I get it.  (Kinda like I got him!)  As part of my 30 Before 30 challenge, I've decided to get back on the ol' treadmil and sweat my ass off... literally.  But, girl needs to look fly while she's doin' it and here's how: I will buy these shoes.  I found them the other day and I'm over-the-godamn-moon about them. 

Q: How sick are they? 
A: Words can never express how truly sick they are.

New Balance 890

New Balance 1400



I want it, but I can't have it

I watch way too much TV, name a commercial, TV show, infomercial, news program, etc. I've seen it.  I have searched Google for what song is in (enter the name of a commercial here) an embarrassing amount of times. 


I recently saw a Filtrete commercial which used a song that I know I've heard before, in both movies and other commercials.  So, naturally I Googled: name of the song in the filtrete commercial, and up popped a video for Tinker Spell by Stephen Rees.  This is totally the song from the commercial, a song that I really love.  It's magical and captivating and it resonates with me.  I just simply love it.


The only thing that makes me not like it, is that I can't purchase it anywhere.  And here I thought all artists were affiliated with iTunes.  Take a listen and see if you think it's as awesome as I do.

A Monogram Thought

Recently, I purchased several items that were monogrammed (please note, that I wouldn't have gotten them monogrammed if I knew the price would go up, but c'est la via) and I hit a stumbling block when I had to enter the initials.

Here was my dilemma:

Is the middle initial actually the "big letter" and if so, that's all sorts of crazy!  Shouldn't the "big letter" be your first initial or your last initial?  But if you make your first or last initial the "big letter," then the monogram is no longer the correct order.  Seriously though, why would the middle initial be the "big letter?"  It doesn't really deserve to be the "big letter."  It is only really used:

• when initialing something (and even then, most people omit it)
• when you're in trouble and your parents use your full name
• when your initials spell something with 3 letters like BAM or HAT

So, if it's only used sporadically, or more accurately, seldomly to never, why should it get to be the "star" of the letters.  I just don't get it, so AFTER I ordered my products and arranged the letters as so f= first, m= middle, l=last

mfl

I Googled and found out the rules are governed by the design of the monogram (what the what!):

1. 1. If the letters in the monogram are all the same, using the example letters above, the monogram would appear as such: fml (which, of course would also be unintentionally hilarious).
2. 2.  If the monogram is a fancy one (look at me, I'm orderin' fancy stuff, y'all), the "big letter" is the last name; again the letters would appear flm.
3. 3.  If two people get married, the monogram should be written as: first initial of the man, new last initial, first initial of the woman.

Therefore, the moral of the story is: anyone receiving monogrammed gifts from me should keep their mouths shut and appreciate the gift.  Monogramming etiquette will be adopted henceforth, so as to avoid any confusion and embarrassment when my kids sport their Lands End backpacks, which, for the record, I never had, but always wanted.

Only not this one, a much, much cooler one!

Yeah, I'm Going to Need One of These

If this

plus this

even remotely equals this commercial, I cannot stress how quickly I want to make this into a reality.  Minus the Blackberry, of course.

Well, that looks dangerous

When my siblings and I were little, we watched Hook... a lot.  And one of the joys of watching a movie 900 times, is that eventually the lines from the movie become part of your everyday life.  For example, whenever I see anything that appears to be even remotely dangerous, it immediately makes me think of the line Robin Williams uses at 0:17 below, "Ohhh, that is so dangerous."





Today, while we were on our way to visit my brother, we happened to see this tower crane (and no, I had no idea it was called that until I Googled, elevated crane):

Yep, this is it.  Look at how the "tail end" of the little conductors pod totally hangs off the edge.

Instant vertigo.

which, I'm sure is incredibly structurally sound and there is no danger involved with operating it at all, but I couldn't help myself.  I went all Robin Williams'

"OHHHH, THAT IS SO DANGEROUS!" 

There are several jobs that I could never do (wool factory worker being one of them) and this one is definitely going on that list; I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't even be able to figure out how to get into the damn thing, let alone stave off a full blown panic attack before I black out and rip a ginormous hole in whatever tall building someone has foolishly hired me to construct.  Nope, I don't believe I could do that at all.

My kid and I rock

Randomly snapped these pictures the other day and now,

I think I l-o-v-e them. 

'Cause sometimes my kid and I are indie rock stars in our own minds...

and other days we can't carry a tune. 

But bless our little hearts,

we always look cool while we rock on.



It's not a law, but it should be.

Anyone who's on Pinterest knows this pin:

It's time to eat Grandpa!

It's time to eat, Grandpa!

Proper grammar just saved Grandpa's life.

Anyone who reads this blog knows:

Girl struggles with a comma.



It's not my fault, I really think that the basic rules of grammar are not explained anymore.  For real, I couldn't diagram a sentance if there was a Vera Wang diamond ring starin' me in the face.  I'm going to try to get better though, because sometimes I reread my posts and cringe.  Bad grammar is like nails on a chalkboard, only worse, because that sound only lasts for 10 seconds, whereas bad grammar can kill my Grandpa.

According to grammarbook.com, there are 21 comma rules.  Yes, you read that correctly, 21 rules (those commas can both be attributed to rule #8... I think.).  Does anyone else think that blows?  Although, not having the comma would be terrible (rule #8).

Samoa Missed Out

My birthday was off the chain!  However, Samoa wouldn't know anything about it.  Boo!  Look what they missed out on.

New Years According to a 7 1/2 Year Old

My brother, Geb and I are 7 1/2 years apart, so when he was 7 1/2, I was 15 (yeah, that's right, I can do math).  He is, without a doubt, the funniest kid I have met.  Around the time of him being 7 1/2, he stayed up to watch the "ball drop" in times square.  Here are his thoughts:

Me: So, how was staying up and watching the ball drop?
Geb: Enh, it was ok...
Me:  Why was it just ok?
Geb:  Well, I thought when they said the ball was going to "drop" that it was actually going to fall down onto the crowd below and people were going to be running all over the place to avoid getting injured and killed.
Me:  Hunh... so then I see what you mean about it just being "ok."

I'm Famous

Check it out y'all at 3:23; it's the highlight of my freakin' cameo career. 

I'm kinda famous; that's right, everyone should eat it up! 

(Please note, if you don't know what Kathy Griffin's routine is like, then this will be delightful for you.)