Cheers To My Daughter

Girls; they are terrific.  Don't get me wrong, boys aren't so bad either, but my little girl is just fantastic.  Here's all of the things that she's good at: eating, sleeping, cooing, grabbing at things, rolling over, smiling, smiling, smiling... did I say smiling?  If this girl's job was smiling, she'd be the best worker ever.  If there was a competition for who could coo the cutest, she'd be the world champion.

When I was pregnant, someone asked me if I was scared to have a girl.  Without hesitation, I was like, "Nope.  I'm a girl, so I think I got this!" but of course, she meant something other than the literal having of a girl, she meant all the other ish that comes with having a girl.  The years of parenting that will shape her into the woman that she will become.  So, I ask myself, am I afraid of the years of parenting that will shape her into the woman that she will become?  And the answer is still, "Nope!"

Here's the thing, I'm not afraid of raising my daughter and teaching her to value her self-worth and know who she is and what she stands for, I'm afraid of everyone else who thinks that they know her self-worth, what she is and what she stands for.  Girls these days are under pressure to be something like Instagram-famous,-Youtube-viral,-Facebook-million-friend-having young ladies and that's not realistic or fair.

What I want for my daughter is pretty simple: to have a happy, healthy, well-balanced, meaningful life and so far, she's got the the happy and healthy covered.  Honestly, she shines in a way that I've never seen; I damn near need sunglasses.  Her smile is breathtaking and it gets me every time.  She is the brightest spot in my days and I'm the luckiest to have her.

So, when people ask if I'm afraid to raise a girl, the answer will always be a variation of no, because that's not what this world needs.  What the world needs is for mothers who celebrate their daughters and vice-versa, together, we are going to make a happier, healthier, well-balanced, meaningful world.  Cheers to us!

Wanted: A Baby Sister

Not too long after we told the boys that they were going to have a sibling, the gender talk started.  My husband was firmly in the boy camp- thought it was a boy and wanted a boy.  I, on the other hand, thought that it was a girl and said I wanted either a boy or a girl... but I won't lie now, I really wanted a girl.  As most things went in our household at the time, I figured I would be outnumbered in the wish-upon-a-baby-boy-star, but surprisingly that wasn't the case; the boys really wanted a baby sister.  Obviously, there's nothing that we could have done at that point to grant their wish, but they were the first two people I thought of when we learned it was a girl; her big brothers were going to be happy.

So far, they love having a sister and it probably has a lot to do with the fact that she's great.  On the rare occasion that she cries for longer than 30 seconds, one of them comforts her by saying, "I'm here Sissy, don't cry."  I realize that this kindness and concern may only last for another few years, and eventually they may become the cause of her tears, but for now I'm sincerely in love with their love for her.  They are much more gentle with her than with anything else in the whole world.  When they talk to her, they both use a soothing, higher pitched voice.  They, above all else, show me that they love her and that's all that I've ever really wanted, love for my children.

This week, I've been nearly ready to put her in her crib.  (I know, I know; that beautiful nursery that I'm so proud of hasn't gotten any real use...) We've been hanging out more in her room and she's spending little periods of time in her crib to grow accustomed to it, but when all is not well and Sissy is done with the crib, her brothers come rushing in and soothe her and tell her not to cry.  And she stops and watches them and then everything is right in the world again.

This Year We're Going To Do Happy

Whether you've seen Despicable Me 2 one hundred times or not at all, this song is where it's at.  When the main character in the movie falls in love, he's all happy and he makes the world happier to be in; that's what my family and I are going to do this year, make the world happier to be in.  This song is going to be our anthem, our jam, our move-out-of-our-way-if-you-ain't-bein-a-part-of-our-happy-because-we-don't-got-time-for-it... But don't get it twisted, it's not like we weren't happy in 2013, it's just that this song didn't come along until we bought Despicable Me in November, so we didn't have a matching anthem all year.

My wish for you and your family and friends is a happy 2014 and lots of Pharrell Williams on repeat.  And when you think you've heard it too much, listen to it again and be happy.

Arden Dr.

Yesterday, I casually opened my very favorite of all the junk magazines; Pottery Barn.  I have a love for all things Pottery Barn, but I also have a budget for everything, which makes my love for all things Pottery Barn difficult.  The furniture is well-made and classic, but definitely out of my price range; however, it doesn't stop me from browsing through the magazine about twenty times before I finally decide that another one will be coming soon and that I can probably part with my old one.

This time as I was going through, I happened to notice something hung on a perfectly accessorized wall: an Arden Dr. sign and let's just say that I got an obscene amount of thrill.  Having a not very common name, meant that there was never a chance of seeing Me-Me Ln or a doll named Me-Me; the best I ever got was a whole bunch of people who told me that they called their Grandmother Me-Me.  So, when I saw this, I thought it was a sign.  As in, the universe sometimes recognizes you or your kids or someone you love in mysterious and different ways and happily plunks it in front of you so that you can take greater notice of the details around you.

Now, if I could just get that sign and all of the rest of the stuff on that wall and put it in my house...

Thanks, Walt

When I was a child, I had the awesome fortune of getting to visit Disney World an obscene amount of times... like to the point that I'm pretty sure we went once a year for just about a decade.  Perhaps it was because of all of this childhood time spent in Disney World that I hold such a fondness for the  happiest place on Earth; actually, I know it is.  (For the 100th time though: sometimes, for the happiest place on Earth, people sure are grumpy.)  So, when my family and I had the opportunity to visit Disney World, I seriously got my nostalgia on and agreed in a heart beat.

Disney World is still the same: a magical spot in the world that makes me remember that fun is sometimes about animatronic characters, stroller parking areas and overly Mickey Mouse-d everything. So, thanks to Walt Disney for everything and for bringing so much joy to my life.

One of the things I wish I had done more of was picture taking.  We managed to get a lot of good ones and I do have a whole lot more on my phone (spoiler alert, will there be a second post?) that I think are great, but it's still not enough.  However, there were two specific moments that I couldn't resist going overboard on the pictures with and here they are:

1.  Cullen totally working the camera and Arden just taking it all in.

 2. What I fondly like to refer to as The Character Move It Along Kid moment (Stitch wasn't getting that we wanted the picture together...)

My Style

When I announced that I was doing a 30 Day Blog challenge, I solicited requests for blog post topics and my friend, Bear suggested talking about my parenting style and I thought that was a great request.  I don't know that I've ever elaborated on what I'd define as my parenting style and yet, I write about the product of said parenting ad nauseum, so it seems only logical that I give it a whirl and do my best to convey how it is that Jim and I parent our children.

My life has been happily chaotic for a while now, I define exactly what that means by way of a timeline in my "About Me" section of this blog, but allow me to give you the cliff notes version: graduated college in 2005, met Jim in 2006, married Jim in 2008, had Cullen in November of 2009 and had Arden in February of 2011.  Prior to having Cullen, I had a miscarriage when I was 15 weeks- it was total devastation, I literally cried so hard that my eyes were blurry for weeks and at points it literally hurt to breathe.  It happened 20 days before my birthday and I was convinced that I would never recover, never go on.

But then, two months later, I did go on; and while I will never know what my family would've been like- nor will I ever stop wondering, I truly felt like I got a second chance.  I explain all of this to give a frame of reference for the basis of my personal parenting style and where Jim and I consistently parent from... most of the time.  I honestly think, as I'm sure everyone who's ever been pregnant or has been a parent believes, that my children were the most wanted, loved, cherished children that have ever been born; yet I can distinctly remember holding my breath for 40 weeks, after my initial loss, the crazy abandon with which I embraced pregnancy was never able to be replicated because I was too fearful that it would be taken away from me again.  

So, it is with that feeling of total love from which I parent-- let me just be clear that when I say total love, I mean a healthy, balanced love, one that allows my children to be imperfect and human while still being my world and the reason I get out of bed in the morning.  I parent from the perspective of love first, secondly I parent from a perspective of reason and third from an awareness for the future; in reality, I'd like to have a child that knows they are loved unconditionally, who was raised to be an independent, kind person that will make an impact on society- and that doesn't mean on a large scale, it can be as small as donating library books or as large as becoming president, just so long as their happy.

Recently, I've noticed that parents can be destructive in their parenting choices and, whether intended or not, I think it's unfortunate that it happens, because really, every parent (in any capacity) is just trying.  Trying to do their best, whether they can or not, that's another story.  I know it may sound odd, but parenting from the perspective of loss, or more accurately challenge, has helped me and Jim be eternally grateful for the blessings that children have brought to our lives, don't get me wrong though, I fully respect everyone's decision about becoming a parent, it's incredibly complex and by far the most challenging thing I've ever done, but I know for a fact that it's the best decision we've ever made.

Above all else, I try to be kind to my children (and let me tell you, that's sometimes very difficult) and let them be "free thinkers," but I don't confuse that with being disrespectful or unkind.  I've tried to continue an important element of my parent's parenting style- while being the adult in charge, my parents allowed us, within reason, to make decisions independently and listened when we came to them to talk about everything- big or small.  It's something that Jim and I have worked hard to create within our own family structure, we make it a point to have dinner as a family every night and we sincerely attempt to listen to our children, not just hear them, but really listen... and so far it's working.

This is what makes me happy.