I'm a believer



Uncle Jim and Cullen, November 2009


I believe in many things, like the goodness in others and the propensity for people to be kind and honest.  I believe in love.  I believe that life has a way of working out.  I believe that I am imperfect and that I have a lot to learn.  But the thing I believe in most is that my family and friends are the best people I know and that they bring me overwhelming joy.

Two years ago today, I lost a very important person in my life, my Godfather and Uncle, Jim.  He was a wonderful man and wise beyond his years.  He was a teacher and he taught me to be kind, to listen to others and to be a positive force when people are down.  My Uncle Jim was a believer.  He believed in his family and friends, he believed in gambling and having a good time.  He believed in the power of people long after they were gone; that while they may not physically be with us, they were never truly gone.  Uncle Jim was the first to believe in the possibility of a hereafter and a forevermore; he made it possible for me to believe that life wasn't over once he was no longer here, but that we had entered a new chapter in our relationship, one where I had to believe that despite the fact that I can't see him, he's helping me and guiding me.

Uncle Jim was someone who appreciated a good joke.  He got enjoyment out of things he believed had a higher meaning, so it's not surprising that we'd be on the lookout for signs that he's "watching over us."  Recently, we’ve been talking about him a lot, thinking about how it’s been two years and how much we miss him.  No, it’s not surprise to me that he’s hearing it all and sending us signs as a way to a sort of  say, "I'm still here guys!” and we're accepting the signs with with open arms.

It all started 2 weeks ago when my cousin was sitting on her couch watching TV and she looked down and there was a tiny, silver cross.  For sure this wasn't there when she sat down and no one had placed it next to her while she was watching TV, it was as though it had appeared out of thin air.  She told my sister and I and we felt strongly that this was a sign from our Uncle Jim, he wanted her to keep the faith and know that he's with her; sitting right next to her.

A few days later, my sister had a dream about my Uncle Jim and she asked him if that tiny, silver cross was from him and he said that indeed it was.  Megan then asked him if the pennies that she'd been finding were signs from him as well and he said yes, that was him too.  Megan told my cousin and me and I was believing more than ever that this had to be my Uncle Jim. 

So on Monday, exactly 2 years to the day that we last saw him, he sent my cousin another message.  When she sat down for lunch in a large food court, resting on the table was a penny with a cross "stamped out of it."  No one had been sitting there prior to her choosing that table, so it was as though it had appeared out of nowhere.  Her husband Googled "penny with a cross cut out" and it directed him to a bible verse, Jerimiah 29:11:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

I had never heard this verse before, but after hearing it, I believe that this is the most comforting, beautiful verse I've ever heard.  I believe that Uncle Jim is helping her and all of us every day in a million different little ways.  I believe that tonight as I was contemplating how to write this story and do it justice that he was with me when I heard "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" one of two songs that always reminds me of him.  So, it brings me great comfort to have him with me and my family, smiling and getting the greatest of joy out of us connecting the dots down below.

This one's for you, Uncle Jim.