I scrapped my traditional Valentine’s Day post (originally titled Valentine's Day, how original, sigh.) where I write a love letter to my husband and sons, because… well, because that’s not me and not what I’m about. So, here’s the real low-down on my thoughts on love and how it impacts the production of our life.
I’m young-ish and when you’re young-ish, people assume that stuff comes naturally. Oh you’re married, well the first years are the best, your heart is all pitter patter and you desperately want more time together; you’re obsessed. Oh you’re a mom, well being a mom in your 20’s is easy, you’ve got lots of time and energy to chase around the little ones. But you know what, sometimes people are wrong and that's bullshit; not everything just works because it’s supposed too. Sometimes marriage, motherhood, a career- or whatever else your trying to juggle, take finessing and twisting and maybe even some out right good ol' fashion ass kicking in order to make them work. But that’s ok, because that’s why it works.
When I got married, I naively thought, this is going to be fantastic!, I’ve got a man and a house, what could be better? Well, let’s see, it would be better if I got to do whatever I wanted and watch all my shows on TV, if the house was always clean and dinner was always on the table waiting for us. But that’s not realistic and so we developed what works for us. It’s a dash of comprise, coupled with blatant ignoring and a small dose of reality when one or the other of us is really out of control. It’s faking it around our family when we’ve been fighting all day and sending 25 emails back and forth, just to check in and be a part of one another’s day; ‘cause if we don’t, the ship may not go down, but we may veer a little too far off course, both contract dysentery and come back to port lookin’ like pitiful fools, when we should have just acquiesced and said, “yes, dear, change the channel, I’ll catch the rerun.”
And so it goes with motherhood, and I suspect fatherhood too. It works because we make it work, with one another and with our beautiful boys. We may not have a backyard, but what other kids can say they have a slide in their formal living room. Likewise, when there’s issues at hand that Jim and I disagree on (doesn’t that sound silly, they’re only 1 & 2, but it does happen), it becomes a discussion rather than a fight- usually. Because bottom line, we gotta both table our arguments and determine what the reality is and what’s best for the kids, for us and for our family.
So, when I’m asked, what is the secret to marriage, or motherhood, or sisterhood, aunthood, cousinhood, etc.- none of which I’ve ever been asked about before, mind you- I’d simply say, it’s works for me (or us) because we fight for it to work. We make every goddamn day count and respect one another. It’s not perfect and it’s not always happy, but the majority of the time it is; and that’s because we’re makin’ it work... and If that wasn't already a slogan, I'd t-shirt it!
